There are no right words to describe a loss so precious. It does not matter how long you carried your child for, the bond between a mother and their child forms immediately and lasts forever. The pain of empty arms and the bitterness as you watch other families grow, miscarriages are not something understood until experienced. And for something that you have held every second of their life, a pregnancy loss can feel like a traumatic event for the heart, mind, and body of a mother.
Often, people speak of miscarriages in statistics, as being as common as in 1:4 pregnancies. But to the parents who anticipated holding that baby, it is not “just a miscarriage” or a statistic, it is a person. It is the loss of their baby, loss of someone’s hopes and dreams for their child, for the mother, a loss of herself to guilt, grief, pain, for the couple, a miscarriage can sometimes affect their intimate and sexual relationship. The greatest loss is the loss of one-self to shame and blame/self-blame during a traumatic time like this. That somehow in this experience a mother feels that she had done something wrong, or that she was too weak or that she was somehow broken.
The word miscarriage has a certain stigma attached to it and something that is tabooed to speak about even today. Such a topic is not always open for discussion. Some might not want to speak of it, some might have no words of comfort or some, no words at all. Mothers can feel abandoned and alone at a time like this. For some mothers even, sometimes the body heals but the mind doesn’t.
Here are a few ways to cushion the cost of your pregnancy loss
1) Surround yourself with compassionate company. Give some of that compassion to yourself when you’re already going through such a tough time
2) Find social media support groups
3) Find physical support groups
4) Journal your thoughts and try to focus on what you can control
5) Seek professional help to speak about the experience in a safe and non-judgmental environment